I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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