My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
