Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
