I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
