i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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