I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
