I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
