I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
