FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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