Your dad touched me again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
