I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
