I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
