I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
