the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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