Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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