Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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