Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
