i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
