He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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