i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
