dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
