every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
