I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
