I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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