By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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