i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
