You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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