I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
