I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I love having hate sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
false alarm, still single
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
