I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
