How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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