His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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