I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
