I look better un-naked...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Drunk is not a location!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize