I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
