I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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