I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
don't judge my taste in strippers
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
