People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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