I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
