i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
