if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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