I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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