Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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