I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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