god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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