hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
