I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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