Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
