I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
