he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
