the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
