oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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