Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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