I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
