This is the prime rib incident all over again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
