I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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