Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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