He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ketchup is God's man juice
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
