Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
