Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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