based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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