How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
