He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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