does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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