Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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