My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You have to summon your inner elephant
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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