She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants