You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.