insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend