I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
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Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.