After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
