Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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