My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
