dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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