having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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